On January 20, 2006, my Father passed away.
After years of a steadily deteriorating quality of life, his heart decided to let go.
It’s not the first time I see Death, but it is the first time in the immediate family, and it isn’t an easy thing to deal with. Not only did I see my poor father slowly but surely waste away, but probably even harder to deal with is seeing and feeling my family’s reaction. Their pain hurts me more than my own.
I wish I can say I was a good son and that my Dad and I enjoyed a wonderful relationship, but sadly, that's not exactly the case. No, this is another clichéd case of “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”, as now I am left to deal with the guilt of all the things I should have done differently, and sadly, that is a long, long list.
But I have to hope that in his heart of hearts, my Father knew that I did love and respect him much more than the one or two cards a year indicated. Much, much more.
And I have to believe that whether or not there is a Great Beyond, at the very least my poor Father is now at rest, at peace, and somehow, happier, than he was near the end.
I love you Daddy.