I, Despair

My anger swells like a river without boundaries
My falling tears are greater than the deluge of forty nights
My eyes burn hotter than the brightest star
My screams are louder than a football stadium full of fans

! Why did you leave me! I scream out
"Please, don't go" I say to the wind
Hoping the message reaches her ears
Falling in to despair deeper each time I ask

I can't feel my legs anymore
Or find a place to rest my head
The world has be come flat to me
And my ideals only a whispered memory

My tired arms fall now to my side
As my knees buckled to the ground
My strength has vanished, I have nothing left
Even God doesn't visit anymore, where is he?

My solar plexus contracts constantly
My mind is trap in a game I can not win
The pain becomes greater each day without subsiding
And death is all I wish in the horizon

Death to all that I am and all that I exist in
Death to myself, no one will care if do
I am dead inside, I have lost all reason why to live
Any reason why to exist

Even she won't miss me if I am gone
To her I no longer exist
And if I did, than maybe just maybe
My death is not vain.

God where are you? I say out loud
No replied
I need you now more than ever? I whispered
No replied

I go to bed once more
Hoping maybe I won't wake up again
Then this nightmare will finally end
And this fantasy will cease to exist.

I care not what I do anymore
Or about the motive and intention behind the action
Meditation brings little comfort at this time
I am alone and that is all.