OK, I gotta make this fast.

I barely remember the original version of The Longest Yard.
I remember Burt Reynolds. I remember a really hot chick from “The Price Is Right”. I remember a wild car chase with a Mazerrati. (and I have no idea how to spell Mazerrati). And I remember Richard Kiel thinking he broke someone’s “friggin’ neck”.

Why a remake was made, I dunno, but I have to say, it was pretty good.

The new version of The Longest Yard stars Adam Sandler in the role that Burt Reynolds played in the original, a disgraced former quarterback that goes to prison, and then leads a team of convicts against a team of prison guards. Sandler actually plays the straight man, and even more surprising, I totally bought him as, for lack of better term, the action star. That’s kind of a stretch, but yeah.
After seeing him in a movie I really liked, SPANGLISH, and now here, I have to say, Mr Sandler’s growing up. Congrats!

Well, the rest of the cast is pretty great too. James Cromwell as the football obsessed warden. William Fichtner as the equally obsessed prison guard captain. Courtney Cox’s cleavage. All put in a great performance. Chris Rock also does a good job, and in a surprising performance, hip hopper Nelly does a great job as Earl Megget, a convict that plays running back for the Mean Machine (the convict team).

But there is a WHOLE lot of stunt casting in this movie.
I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. Actually, it’s kinda cool:
Wrestlers in the cast include:
Steve Austin
Kevin Nash
Bill Goldberg, who I know used to play football
Pro Football players in the cast include:
Brian Bosworth , who used to do bad action flicks after his NFL career didn’t live up to his college football glory
Bill Romanowski, who as a Denver Bronco linebacker is known for playing, well, kinda rough
And Michael Irvin, who does a really great job. Actually, all the above do a good job, especially Nash, who’s actually kinda funny here, but I was just surprised by how good Irvin was.
Of course the coolest stunt casting came with Burt Reynolds himself playing a convict and the coach of the Mean Machine. It's funny, Sandler and Reynolds couldn't be any more different, yet here they are having played the same roles. And it works!

Most of the comedy is handled by Rock, and Nicolas Torturro, who was annoying, but funny. The very big Bob Sapp (he was in ELEKTRA) and huge Dalip Singh (no idea what he’s been in, but the man was a monster) were very funny as well. And Terry Crews is hilarious as “Cheeseburger Eddy”, a walking product placement for McDonalds.

Not the most cohesive review ever, but there you have it. The Longest Yard is a cool flick. Funny, good action, decent story…and…Courtney Cox’s cleavage.
Go see it!

B +