A very close friend of mine’s mother passed away this morning, January 10, 2005.
Although it seems inaccurate to say she was my friend too, I felt very close to her, and the loss is a hard one to take. She had taken on a sort of motherly feeling to me (after all, I would have loved to have her as my Mother In Law), and our weekly chats always left me feeling loved and appreciated.

It was sometime in 2002 when she was diagnosed with cancer, that most indiscriminate of diseases. At first she seemed to be beating the odds, as she well outlasted her initial prognosis. But the insidious disease made her life Hell, and she would often need to be hospitalized or just wouldn’t even have the energy to do much more than lie on the couch and watch TV. I know, that seems ideal to some, but she was a hard worker, and enjoyed working around the house and keeping up her yard, etc. Having to lie around was a harsh punishment for her.

Unfortunately this past weekend she took a turn for the worse, and she was hospitalized again. This was the worse, most obvious severity of her health issues, and her family was forced to prepare for the inevitable. But it still must be extremely hard for them, and I feel for each of them. I have never known the pain they must be enduring right now…

In fact, I feel kind of ashamed.
I constantly bitch about how much life sucks, and I stupidly proclaim my desire to no longer have to deal with it.
I saw Death as an escape.
A means to avoid my despondent emotions.
Hell, even as a cute British girl who will take my hand and lead me to peace.

But this past weekend I unwittingly saw what Death really was.
It was a family torn apart.
It was the shriveled up form of a once proud woman.
It was glazed over eyes that gazed at me without recognition.
It’s an ugly end to what was once a vibrant life full of love and laughter.

I can only hope that M.E.G. IS in a better place.
I wish her family the best, and will be there for them in whatever way I can.
It will never be enough, but it’s the least I can do.

You were a wonderful woman and I love you very much.
Rest in peace.