This isn’t so much a review as it is commentary…

I’ve never been to an Ozzfest, and now I know why.

But before I get to that, I should point out that I wanted to go to this one because it was the first tour ever of Cradle Of Filth in the U.S., and I was curious. So with about 5 months advance, I bought a ticket, and today, I went to OZZFEST 2003.

Being the loser I am, I went alone. Strike one.
Even though I had plenty of sun tan lotion at home, I purposely bought a new bottle, because it would fit in my cargo shorts pocket. But all day the weather was horrible.
It rarely was sunny, and it rained quite a bit, so I hardly put any lotion on.
Of course the result is a wicked ugly farmer-tan…actually, farmer burn, because my head is bright red!
Strike two and three!

But really, after surviving the growling bands of the second stage all day (despite an ever threatening mosh pit...why must the singers of the aggro-bands insist on the crowds getting violent?... I pretty much stood my ground and stayed about twenty-five feet from the stage), the main stage was such a disappointment. Not because of the bands, but because of the pouring rain, really bad seats, and most importantly, the fucking idiots that amused themselves by throwing mud and (plastic) bottles.
So when Marilyn Manson came on after Chevelle, and the rain fell rather strongly, and then the idiots started their shit, I just up and left.
So I didn’t see Disturbed, which I like a lot, Korn, which I like, and Ozzy, which I don’t care about, but woulda wanted to see Jason Newsted (bass) and Zakk Wylde (guitar) in his band.
Considering how expensive the tickets were, that’s a lot of show I missed.
(But I did get to pay an extra $5 to walk through a trailer called “The End”, Jonathan Davis’ of Korn’s own gallery of the bizarre, the gruesome, and the mundane. Apparently has a thing for serial killers and H.R. Giger…)
Anyway, the whole thing pisses me off really.

I know not to expect the best behavior at a rock concert, but Fucking A, I feel really let down by the “rock-metal community”. And Fucking A, what’s with the pot. Jeez, but the kids today like the mari-G-uana. The smell was too much, I mean, it was everywhere, and it often was the people right next to me smoking it.
Of course it wasn’t a hot chick in a bikini that offered me some, but some forty something that looked particularly trailer-trash-ish. I just couldn’t keep the “fuck off and die” look from my face when I declined.

But I should at least reference the music a little, and since I really went just for Cradle Of Filth, I must say that they were pretty cool. I mean, at first it was just a wall of noise, and I couldn’t distinguish singer Dani Filth’s growling and screeching from the bombastic drums and guitars.
But after a while it all became slightly clearer, and then the giant spider-creature-person-thingy came on stage, and the hot chickie did her “goth-Cirque De Soleil-on acid” thing, and there was that goth chick providing a softer, more mysterious, female voice to counter all the shrieking, and the keyboard WAS dressed like a bunny in bondage gear, and that’s always important, and so, even though their set was less than hour long, I liked it.

I wish I could say that I got into Voivod, but despite the coolness of Jason Newsted (formerly of Metallica), I didn’t really dig ‘em. Sorry.

So my one and only experience with Ozzfest was a bad one. Cradle was cool, but not cool enough to save the day.