Sunday October 28, 2001
"Which of us is now in exile
Which in need of amnesty" - Savatage

So yeah, the weekend came, and kinda kicked my ass again, and now I just wanna hold my breath and wait for another fun filled Monday at my piece of shit, God-Damned, Mother Fucking job, and that Fucking client from Hell…

I thought I was gonna have a lot of free time today, and that I would actually start trying to write some of that movie I wanna write, but I have such an overwhelming feeling of "I don't give a fuck", that I just don't see that happening.
Hell, I won't even try to come up with a plot for another movie I have in the back of my head, Doctor, Please Help, My Teenager has Gone Insane!.
No really, I've had that title even longer than The House Where Hot Chicks Go To Die. And it's all because I have one shot from that movie already planned out in my head.

Did I mention I need help?

But hey, I did see a MOVIE.

Friday October 26, 2001
"My life sucks, but maybe if I buy this lamp..."
- Comedian (and now actor?) Dana Gould on how he buys stuff when he's depressed.
But I probably got the exact wording wrong...

So today I bought a James Hetfield action figure.
Hey, he may be a tyrannical alcoholic drug addicted redneck, but he's still my favorite singer and one of my favorite guitarists...
Look, everybody grieves in different ways...

Thursday October 25, 2001
New and Improved...PAIN
Wednesday October 24, 2001
"God Hates Us All" - Slayer

...and he (she / it) seems to particularly have it in for me and my little circle of friends...

BTW, the orange on the home page is in honor of Halloween...which really means nothing at all to me...
But then again I often make absolutely no sense anyway...

Sunday October 21, 2001
"Fuck it all with fucking no regrets" - Metallica

It was supposed to be this awesome weekend.
My friend, she went with me last week to that Metallica cover band thing, so one good turn deserves another, right?
So I get us tickets to see this guy, Robin Trower, who'll be playing at a club called The Culture Room. She's a big fan of his music, and wanted to see him
Well, I've never knowingly heard this guy's music before, but I know he's a very respected guitarist, and hey, I'm all about the Gu-ee-Tar!, and being that it was gonna be in Lauderdale, I knew we could make a weekend out of it, hotel room, etc.
So I get the tickets, we get up there, we get room just a couple of blocks from the venue, and then we head over to the show.
No parking anywhere, so we end up across the street. Not too bad…
This place turns out to be roughly the size of my closet. No seats, no tables, just wall to wall people, too many of which are stoned, drunk, or what have you…
Strike One
About an hour later, 11PM, the man finally takes the stage.
OK, I knew he'd be older…But the man, he looks like Keith Richards' grandfather!
You know, it's one thing for some studly, young guitarist to make funny faces while wailing on the six string axe.
But this guy just looked like his Metamucil was rancid!
It was disturbing, and just wrong on so many levels…
Plus, for such a small place, it was way too fucking loud. Sheesh.
Strike Two
He IS a great guitarist, but I think I know why he never really became a household name, or at least became known on par with Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton and the like. His songs just aren't all that. Guitar-wise they rock, but those were some kinda basic, kinda boring melodies for the songs themselves…
ANYWAY, so they're done at 1230.
I figure it wasn't that painful, and I'm in a pretty good mood and I'm just anticipating what'll hopefully be a great rest of the night…
But where's my car?
Oh, funny thing that…
Strike Three…kill me now…
Yes, I'm the fucking idiot…I didn't see the fucking sign on the streetlight about 10 feet away from where I parked, but Fucking A, you know?
So by 1:15AM the latest, we get to the fucking tow yard place by fucking taxi! (who the fuck takes a fucking taxi in fucking South Florida!?!)…
So at 3 o'clock in the fucking morning, and just ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS AND 32 FUCKING CENTS later, we head back to the hotel room.
Again, I'm the idiot (well, a lot of us attending that concert were idiots, since about twenty people got towed ), but Fuck You Very Much "All Points Towing", and your coconspirators, that may or may not include the cabbies and the club itself.
Here's to hoping there really is such a thing as Karma and that it kicks your ass(es) ten-fold but quick…

Oh, but before all that shit went down, I saw a new MOVIE.

Um, have I ever mentioned that I (usually) hate Sundays…

Tuesday October 16, 2001
" Will you, walk me
To the edge again
Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again
Woke up tonight and no one's here with me
I'm giving in to you

Caught up, in life
Losing all my friends
Family has tried, to heal all my addictions
Tragic it seems, to be alone again
I'm giving in to you

I look forward, to dying tonight
Drinks still on myself, life's harder every day
The stress has got me
I'm giving in
Giving in now!

Take me under
(I'm killing all the faith)
I'm dying tonight
(I'm sick of all that faith)
Watch me crumble
(I'm killing all the faith)
I'm crying tonight"
- Adema

What can I say, I kinda like the song.
Yeah, that's it…

Stop me if you've heard this one before…
OK, OK, I know, what else is new.
I have no right to bitch, so I won't.

This past weekend was a strange one.
More of the whole ups and downs of my roller coaster existence.
But I did see a performance by a band called Battery…they're a Metallica tribute band, with out the tribute band part really…more like just an all Metallica cover band. I didn't see their whole show, which took place at The Metal Factory in Ft Lauderdale, but I did enjoy what I saw.
Well, the lead singer / rhythm guitarist couldn't really hold a candle to my favorite tyrannical-alcoholic-possibly-drug-addicted-redneck on the planet, James Hetfield, but their overall sound was pretty good. It was pretty great to hear the raw, earlier, classic Metallica sound. It was loud and it kicked my ass and it felt good, even if it wasn't the real thing.
And hey, they did Fade To Black, that cheery little suicide number which sits atop my list of greatest songs of all time!

Did I mention work really, really sucks lately?
Oh wait, I was talking about my weekend…
Actually, the only other thing I'll say about my weekend is that I also saw a MOVIE.

Thursday October 11, 2001
"Sunrise I greet you
The beauty of your light
So warm and tender was never the night
In tears I see you
The last time it will be
So give me your blessing
I'll meet my destiny" - Candlemass

Yeah, more Candlemass...
When I find something I like I stick with it.

When I leave my house in the mornings now, it's still dark, and it's slightly breezy, and very cool.
It's so refreshing, and you can actually drive around with the air off and the windows down.
That's a short lived phenomena in Miami...

So it's been a month to the day since those evil fucks perpetrated the "Attack On America".
We've been firing at them for like 5 days straight now.
It's such a scary time...True peace of mind is a thing of the past...

And then there's this Anthrax scare.
What the fuck, you know?

People tend to find, or rediscover, religion during times like this.
Me, it just makes me question it all even more...

Monday October 8, 2001
Well, today sucked at work.
Tomorrow promises to suck as well.
I looked at the job section today.
That's how much things suck.
This sucks.

I took my walk today.
A long time ago I took a walk, and a strange old lady asked me if I had a cigarette.
Today I took a walk, and the same old lady asked me if I had a dollar.
It's like she panhandles from her front porch.

So the Emmys were postponed again due to the military strikes against Afghanistan.
They should probably just announce the winners by another medium, and have the winners collect their trophies at the home office or something...

I saw a movie trailer for a flick starring one of the 'Nysinc guys.
The worst part about it is that it didn't look THAT bad...
Satan, get thee behind me!

Sunday October 7, 2001 ADDENDUM

Sunday October 7, 2001
Sometimes I get really lucky finding songs that say just the right thing.
In this case, the song came to me.
It was on a compilation tape I made a long time ago, and I had no idea I was about to hear it.
Fits my mood perfectly.
It's called Darkness in Paradise and it's by a Swedish Doom/Death/Black Metal band called Candlemass.
They were pretty awesome in the Eighties, with a rather unattractive lead singer that called himself Messiah Marcolin.
I have no idea what that means.
Still he had a big, booming voice, and their songs, though somber as Hell, didn't seem Evil at all, and were sometimes tragic and positive and even beautiful, although wrapped with black lace...

"I'm standing here in silence
This graceful place of peace
Watching the shadows come closer
The birds they sing no longer
The winds they blow no more
With fear of death
I'm waiting for the night to fall

The sun will set forever
One after one the stars they die
The rainbow has turned to black
Darkness has fallen in paradise

Love is lost in memories
All beauty and all light
Have vanished from the
Garden of delight
The Devil and his gift
The heart he stole away
But innocence was lost long ago

The morning will come no more
Our dreams are all gone
Midnight has come to stay
Darkness has fallen in paradise

Oh father please forgive us
Forgive us all our sins
Please bring your light
Again to lead our way

But my prayers are not answered
They fade out to die
And so does the last gleam of hope

Our dreams are all gone
Midnight has come to stay
Darkness has fallen in paradise

I know my death is near
Far beyond my dreams
My fate is waiting
To show me the light

I believe
Yes I believe…"

OK, bye

Saturday October 6, 2001
"To feel this great urge
to hold and embrace you
I slowly dry out

I shrink and shrink
until i'm gone
nothing to make out of me
oh what the hell went wrong
my heart gets pulled out
into your direction
it's no use
you have forsaken me" - Shrink, by The Gathering

So yeah, life fucking sucks, huh?
Wednesday should have been a pretty awesome day, instead it was pretty much just Wednesday...a pretty bad one at that.
Thursday turned out to be a very nice night, surprisingly so...
Friday morning started really, really well...another surprise. I really enjoyed it...
It didn't end well.
I did enjoy the Van Halen tribute band I saw at The Metal Factory in Ft Lauderdale. They were called Atomic Punks, after a song on Van Halen 1.
They weren't a tribute band in the sense that they really looked like their idols...well, the singer at times played the part of David Lee Roth, and he kinda looked like him. The guitarist, a very talented guy, acted like Eddie, but didn't look at all like him...ironically I thought he was a dead ringer for Gary Hoey, an extremely talented guiatrist in his own right.
Still, I'm not in the mood to write a "concert review", so that's whay I mentioned it here. Cool show though...but I'm an old fuck, and getting home at 4 in the morning just doesn't work for me. Can't these bands take the stage at 7PM instead of like 130 AM?

But Saturday was the kicker.
Kicker...good choice of words...cause it kicked my ass all over the fucking place...

"Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony" - Metallica

"I long for sweet oblivion" - sorry, I have no idea who sang that.
I know it was a female...sorta Sixties folk rockish stuff...
But I really feel that way...

I'm doing this without permission, but OUCH.

Wednesday October 3, 2001
"Cause you can feel my anger
You can feel my pain
You can feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings
They will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again" - Staind

Why use my own words, when others say it all perfectly...