Friday 11/30/01

"A man of sorrows racked with thoughts that dare not speak their name
Trapped inside a body, made to feel only guilt and shame
His anger all his life, “I hate myself”, he cried
“Do what thou wilt”
“Do what thou wilt”, he cried" - Bruce Dickinson

I've been listening to Bruce Dickinson a lot lately.
The CD that song is from, Accident of Birth, is, and I kinda hate to say this, as good, if not better, than any of the Maiden stuff.
And that one song, Man of Sorrows, is amazing.
So dark.
So tormented.

Guess that's it for November...
Soon, that'll be it for 2001.
Time flies, even if you're not always having fun...

Wednesday 11/28/01

"...I decided to pursue Death and catch her in my arms like a lover, whereas you are forever forever running away from her, as if she were a demon. Death is very sensitive, and if you demonize her she will stay away and keep her secrets to herself. In truth, everything you fear about Death is a projection from your own ignorance. You simply fear what you know nothing about."
- Said by "Merlin" in a book called The Way of the Wizard.

I don't wanna get into the book right now, but I'm sure I will after I finish it.
But obviously that passage appealed to me.

I did make a change though...in the book, the word "Death" isn't capitalized...

Anyway, like I've said here a million times, I am not suicidal...
But sometimes, Death does seem like a good thing...

There's a flood in me. It roars to the surface often, applying intense pressure on the flood gates. Last night they started to crack under the pressure, and started to let it all out, but somehow I was able to contain it.
Still, it was very intense and very uncomfortable, and Fucking A I am so scared of when they finally burst open.
At that point, there will be no turning back...

Sunday 11/25/01

…Ugh…four days off…
With some nice moments here and there…
But right now all I can focus on is the fact that it's Sunday night, and tomorrow's a guaranteed shitter…

I saw Monsters Inc. again. Third time. Still enjoyed it.

And I saw a new MOVIE too…

Wednesday 11/21/01

"Destruction is a way of life
Destruction, chaos, anger, strife" - Overkill

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving, and while I realize I definitely have plenty to be thankful for, I still can't help but feel that this whole "living" thing is HIGHLY overrated.

Sunday 11/18/01

There's probably some stuff I can write about here, Good , Bad, and F'Ugly, but I really don't wanna.
I did however join the huge crowds that went and saw HARRY POTTER...

Tuesday 11/13/01

"Sanity now is beyond me
There's no choice" - Ozzy

So this morning I wake up at 4, and I'm done for the night. I didn't sleep another wink before I got out of bed at 6. Of course the whole time I'm lying there I'm just having all these really terrible thoughts. It's as though my head is this festering cesspool, and if I'm left to my own devices what ever demons reside there just take over.
Disturbing really.

In other news, I really need a haircut.

Monday 11/12/01

”A man of sorrows, wrecked
With thoughts that dare not speak their name
Trapped inside a body, made to feel only guilt and shame
His anger all his life - "I hate myself!", he cried
"Do what thou wilt!"
"Do what thou wilt!", he cried” – Bruce Dickinson

Well, I guess I should be feeling better...
So why don't I?

But I saw a movie on THURSDAY and one on SATURDAY as well...

Friday 11/9/01

"The more you suffer
The more you show you really care
Right?" - The Offspring

I'm either an earthbound angel, or the stupidest idiot on the planet.

Thursday 11/8/01

"It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you" - Nickelback

It's been a long week.
It's gonna be a long weekend...

Wednesday 11/7/01

“Someone to hold you though the pain
To make you smile again
And to protect you forever

Someone to take your fears away
To help you through each day
To carry you when you just can't go on

There is no love
Like the love of your first love
It's so true Your love will never leave you
Tears in the night
Filled with pain
You're running from the love
That you had before
You cried out for your first love” - Stryper

I’m not really in the mood to write anything else…

Saturday 11/3/01

"Call on me
And I'll be there for you
I'm a friend
Who always will be true" - Stryper

Let me start by thanking The Chuban, Lou, for accompanying me today.
It could have been a difficult, awkward event, but his companionship made it a pretty great event for me.
I'm referring to the Walk Far for NAAR event that was held today in Key Biscayne. NAAR is the National Alliance for Autism Research, and they are working hard to spread the word on this serious condition that so many people are born with.
I wanted to help out because my friend's daughter is Autistic, so she was one of the volunteers. I couldn't actually "work" the event, so I wanted to at least donate and walk it, and I also have to thank two of my coworkers, Frank and Sherman, for giving me some checks as well! Thanks!!!

At first, I didn't know what to expect, and I have to admit that I was uneasy with the whole thing, and since Hurricane Michelle was threatening not all that far away, the weather was not very cooperative either. But then I started eating all this food that was available to the participants and the weather started changing (hey, I actually ended up getting a bit of a tan!) and I started feeling a lot better.
Then the speakers started speaking, and one of them was Ileana Ros Lehtinen, and she actually impressed me because she handled herself quite well, because while she spoke, a young Autistic girl was crying that she didn't want to be there. But the Congress Woman actually incorporated that into her little pep talk, and it was actually very touching.
The biggest moment of the speaking portion came when Dan Marino spoke. I had forgotten he has an Autistic son! He spoke very well. It's really a shame what's become of the Dolphins…Um, OK, wait, I digress…
Anyway, then the walk actually started. Unfortunately it was a measly 3 miles, but it was very nice. I'm really glad I went, and I'll be sure to wear my "Walk Far for NAAR" t-shirt next Friday. You know, Casual Friday.
But then again, come on, it's me…EVERY day is casual.

OH, I almost forgot, after that, we saw a MOVIE.

Friday 11/2/01

Happy B-Day to my Sis in North Carolina!
You're OLD!!!

Thursday 11/1/01

Don't feel much like writing.
But I did write something, and posted it on another part of the site...