I shouldn't be in here because I have nothing but bad stuff in my head and I'm constantly being warned about my negativity and self-destructive emotional outlook on this thing that I call my life which most people would refer to merely as an existence...something to do to kill time during my waking hours, not that I sleep all that much. No. Lately I wake up at all hours of the night and just lie in bed trying to keep my eyes closed and the bad thoughts from taking over. But they always take over. Always.
I was thinking the other day, actually not while lying in bed, but while standing at the urinal...damn, I'm fucking weird, huh?...anyway, I was thinking how this one time my Dad brought home this pizza looking thing from Publix, the kind that's kinda frozen, or at least refrigerated, and I decided to open it and heat it up and I ended up basically eating the whole thing, but it wasn't really a pizza but more of a flat garlic bread thing and it was kinda big, there really was no reason for me to devour the whole thing. But then my Dad found out and he was pissed, and I was sick to my stomach the rest of the night, and I was thinking that yeah, he was pissed, but probably, deep down inside he was hurt too. Maybe I'm not the nice guy I always profess to be. I mean, I feel like I'm a pretty nice guy in the big picture. I mean, don't ask my coworkers on a Monday or Tuesday, when I'm all stressed due to the joy taht is my job, or my friend, who at this point really is just a friend, albeit my best friend and the occasional keeper of my sanity...no don't ask her when I'm in one of my moods...but yeah, I do think that for the most part I'm a good guy.
I think I've heard once that in order for others to love you, you must first love yourself.
You know, I really hope that I post something else before the end of the year.
This would be a particularly ugly way to close out 2001, right?
Wow, it's almost Christmas.
Isn't that just fucking depressing?
Yeah, I know.
I updated the Movie Section.
My personal life is a big old mess, but I can't really get into it right now.
If I ever stop being a lazy ass, one day maybe I'll put this story to paper…
It's such a Lifetime Movie of the Week waiting to happen…
Well, it's 3 PM on Sunday, and aside from paying bills, I have nothing else to do today.
Thanx to you, my dear old friend
But you can't help, this is the end
Of a tale that wasn't right
I won't have no sleep tonight
In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain
It's alright, we'll stay friends
Trustin' in my confidence
And let's say it's just alright
You won't sleep alone tonight
With my heart, with my soul
Some guys cry you bought and sold
They've been strong, young and bold
And they say, play this song again"
- A Tale That Wasn't Right, by Helloween...
Actually, maybe it's just Sebastian Bach, not Skid Row.
I just heard that song for the first time in like forever on my new favorite internet radio station, HotMetalRadio.com. KNAC.com went through some kind of change and now I can hardly hear it clearly anymore. Bummer.
So I'm in this place where I'm so miserable that I feel like I'm going through December almost in a comatose state. Worst part is that it'll get worse before it gets better.
And then January will come and kick my ass hard.
Lots of things have to change with the new year, and it scares the fuck out of me.
I'm so fucking tired of everything, including this web site.
I see a lot of movies, so I'll probably keep writing my bullshit mini-reviews, and the occasional odd piece of rubbish here and there, but I'm trying to re-think the site, and come up with a new look.
One thing I will most probably do is list any updates on the front page, as I no longer feel like writing in the journal just to say I have a new review posted...
(which I do, by the way...three new mini-reviews in the Movie Section...as well as a "bullshit, woe is me, oh my Fucking God isn't he a romantic one" poem in the Writing Section...)
But since I'm here I may as well say that I'm pleasantly surprised by the Dolphin's big win last night, but unfortunately history dictates that one should not get their hopes up.
And I guess I should note that Boston Public is a pretty cool show, and that tonight is a repeat presentation of one of the creepiest Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes ever. It's called "Hush", and let me tell you, "The Gentlemen" are spooky...
Fucking A, I don't wanna sit here and cry, bitch or moan about the apparent evil that are the 24 hour periods we call Sundays, but it just dominates my existence. It's like from the moment I wake up, which today was first around five something in the AM, thank you very much, it's just ugliness and more ugliness, until I finally reach a comatose state again and wake up Monday morning to face my fears and more ugliness.
I realize a lot of it is because on Sundays I don't usually have a chance to visit with my friend, who I try not to discuss here too much anyway, but she does have a lot of control over my moods and spirit. Not that she wants that control, it just happens that way.
So I guess I'll just shut up and say that yeah, as usual, I saw a new FLICK.
It's kinda gray and ugly outside...
Today's my Mom's B Day...
She's OLD. Poor thing...she's a saint, and she deserves so much better than she's ever been given.
Knowing this, you'd think I'd be a better son...
a PRETTY BAD MOVIE
And a DISAPPOINTING MOVIE