I JUST GOTTA VENT 12/99

Thursday 12/30/99 So anyway, I guess this is the last Journal entry of 1999. Fucked up, eh? I remember being a kid and sitting around with friends and figuring out how old we'd be in the year 2000, and wondering what life would be like. Fucking A man, it wasn't supposed to be like this!
As far as the Y2K shit, I'm not really worried about anything major happening, but I am worried that there will be plenty of smaller problems...the vast majority of which will be caused by stupid people with stupid minds doing stupid things in the name of their so called Gods. I guess all we can do is hope for the best.
On a totally unrelated note...from Webster's New World Dictionary:
depression - 2. a hollow or low place 3. low spirits; dejection 4. a decrease in force, activity,etc.
inadequate - not enough for what is required, insufficient, unsuitable (paraphrased definition)
lazy - 1. not eager, or willing to work or exert oneself 2. sluggish
retarded - slow or delayed in development, esp. mentally
OK, I guess I've made it perfectly clear where MY head is at...

Sunday 12/26/99 So Christmas is over. Bah Humbug! I HATE the time right after Christmas! I mean, don't get me wrong...Christmas is depressing as hell for me, but this time right after it is just brutal for me. Whatever. I'll deal.
So I got to spend some time with my Little Gypsy. She gave me the Bif Naked CD. She's SO awesome! Bif's pretty cool too. Heh.
I saw Sleepy Hollow again this weekend. What a great, great movie. I also saw Galaxy Quest. I have to admit, I hate sci-fi, and spacey shit in particular, but damn, it's a FUNNY movie! I needed the laughter. I'm not gonna write a "review" for it, but I definitely recommend it.
Well, as you can well imagine if you know me at all, I am beyond traumatized at the thought of returning to work tomorrow. It's only a three day week, which is great, but it's gonna be a hectic, UGLY three days! Obviously I'll do some more bitching if events warrant...

Thursday 12/23/99 OK, so the party wasn't THAT bad...but it was bad. Um, at least the food was OK. And of course the Gypsy was there...but it was a work function...so we weren't ourselves. Still, the assholes did act up, like drunken assholes tend to do...but I do have to admit, nobody was out of control. Whatever.

Wednesday 12/22/99 Well, yeah, they did it. They fired her. With three days to Christmas. With her facing a major operation next month. Whatever. But you know what? I was wrong. It wasn't really ugly today. Know why? BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKING TALKED ABOUT IT! It's already like she never fucking worked there. It's weird, because I never liked her. I'd play around with her sometimes because I had more contact with her than any other employee there, but for the most part, I couldn't stand her. Still, I know when somebody get's fucked over with out the pleasure of lubricant, and damn, by the end they had her down on all fours...
In other news, those same wonderful people are throwing their joyous Christmas party tomorrow. Well, that will be a whole of fun boys and girls. Bunch of drunk, and likely wasted people who are ALREADY assholes when stone sober! Joy.
I dunno man, pray for me or something...

Tuesday 12/21/99 Oh man. Oh-Oh-Oh-MAN! There's the shit. There's the fan. DAMN, what a hit! I know I've said very similar things before, but tomorrow promises to be one of the ugliest days in my history with Hell (work, for the unitiated).
Right at quitting time, the bossman took me into the office for a one on one, and basically used me as a scapegoat to justify someone else's termination. Man...all I can say is it's gonna be ugly. We're talking life changing...

Monday 12/20/99 Are Monday's a pain in the ass, or what? Fucking A! Well, at least it's a short week. Ugh, that's right...the Evil Empire (AKA my workplace, and it's tyrants) are throwing a Christmas party this week. The Spanish Inquisition seems like a better time.
So anyway, the old chemical imbalance is in full swing today...I mean, I should be kinda happy nowadays, right...so what up with the Blahs? I dunno.

Sunday 12/19/99 It wasn't pretty, but in a shocking turn of events, the Dolphins won. Go figure.
So anyway, I don't know what I think about Tarot Cards...but I had them "read" for me last night. (Hey, I don't call her Little Gypsy for nothing) Um, it seemed rather accurate...and it sure as hell wasn't positive...but then, consider the source.
You know, every now and then I forget how much of a child I am. Makes me wonder...

Saturday 12/18/99 Wow, so aint Holiday shopping fun? Don't you love the traffic, the parking, the long lines, and best of all not having clue one as to what to buy? Yeah!
So I've been a little busier than usual, but it's not like I've really had anything special to say here...well, actually there's tons I'd like to say, but "upon further review", I decided somethings just gotta stay outta here. Suffice it to say that confusion is muscling in on depression's stranglehold of my psyche. I guess confusion is the lesser of the two evils though. Right?
Well anyway, no movies for me this weekend. Bummer. I like to see at least one movie a weekend whenever possible. Next week promises a good one though, Man On The Moon...oh, and I think Magnolia too. Later.

Monday 12/13/99 BLECH. Nah, it's not all blech today, though blech is always just around the corner, isn't it. Actually lunch was fun today, even though I got way too full. It's hard to go back to work when you're so full, you know? Yeah, lunches with the Little Gypsy are always pretty cool. (Evil Grin)
So anyway, I think it was Shakespeare...nope, nope, it was Darius Rucker of Hootie & The Blowfish who said it best, "the Dolphins make me cry". The FUCKING Dolphins suck! My God, how and why they do this every year is way beyond me! AAARGHH!

Sunday 12/12/99 Well, it's Sunday night. Joy. back to work in the morning. Joy. Well, at least I only have a four day work week this week. And even less next week, and even less the week after that. Still, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
So I posted my "review" of The Green Mile in the movie section. Did you read it yet?
So I'm listening to Trans-Siberian Orchestra again. Yeah, yeah, the Christmas music people. They are just so awesome! They have their first Christmas Special on Tuesday, 12/14/99 at 10 PM on The Fox Family Channel. I can't wait to see it!
Speaking of TV, I really, really dig that Sela Ward show, Once & Again. Does that make me a wanker? For that matter, what exactly is a wanker anyway?

Wednesday 12/8/99 I guess what happens is that you get a taste of happiness...a crumb really, and you just want more and more.
But when it's slow in coming, man then you start jonzing for it big time. I want happiness so bad. I want to feel bliss. Absolute bliss. I want the emptyness and the anger and the frustration and the hatred purged from me.
But it's not gonna happen. Well, not entirely. The bulk of it will always be with me; In me. It'll eat away at me, and eventually kill me. C'est la vie. Such is life...Mine anyway. I know some people look down on Depression, like it's not real, and they want you to "just snap out of it and do something!". Well, it is real, and even though I have never been diagnosed, (never been to a shrink, and never will voluntarily go to one), this constant shade of grey that dulls my mind is real too. Why would I make up such a fucked up existence?
I mean, I wouldn't wish my world upon my worst enemy. Really.

Monday 12/6/99 I really don't feel like writing in here today...but I guess I can say a couple of things.
Happy Birthday to my Mom. Ok, enough with the festivities...
Dolphins FUCKING suck! AAARGH!!!
Strange weekend. I pet/house sat for a coworker. It was definitely different. A little boring, but at least some of the time I had some company...(EVIL GRIN)
I'm listening to Metallica: S & M right now. Tasty. Guess that's it for now.

Thursday 12/2/99 Sometimes the lack of control I have in my life, or at least the lack of control I put forth in my life, just kicks my ass. It just seems that life just keeps on passing me by, and I'm either too lazy or too scared to grab it and fucking do something. I've been thinking about shit like that a lot lately; I have no choice but to. I'm sort of in the position now to "grow" as a person, but I have no clue what to do next. My head's sort of spinning, but I have to admit, it's kind of a good spin.
She must be having a good effect on me...right?

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