So it's the last day of February, which is really the only reason I came in here.
Nothing really to talk about.
I had lunch at a coworkers house the other day.
She has a Pit Bull.
You ever look a Pit Bull in the eyes?
Even though it was a pretty sweet dog (I think her official name is "Hootchie")I just couldn't help thinking that at any moment, this dog is gonna snap and bite me balls off.
Lucky for me, no such tragedy occurred. For better or worse, I still have both my balls intact.
Look I just thought you should know.
I'm a sharer.
My dog on the other hand, has officially gone insane.
I know cats get this thing called the "Midnight Crazies". Well, as soon as I walk into my backyard, my dog just starts running laps.
He runs around the same table ten times in a row, and when he stops he looks at me side-eyed, just waiting for me to move or say anything, then he starts again.
So here it is another Sunday…
I may as well post something, even though I really don't have anything special to say.
I've been listening to a lot of Metallica and Savatage lately. (I'm listening to "Tage right now. Yeah, us cool cats call Savatage 'Tage since we're so fucking cool like that…)
It REALLY bums me out about the two departures from these two bands: Bassist Jason Newsted from Metallica, and Vocalist Zak Stevens from Savatage. Actually, Savatage (and Trans Siberian Orchestra) also lost lead guitarist (extraordinaire) Al Pitrelli to Megadeth. UGH, Megadeth. I've never really been able to get into them, but now with Al there, I might have to check out their next opus. Ironic really, considering Megadeth is basically an offshoot of Metallica (the heart and soul of Megadeth, Dave Mustaine, was kicked out of Metallica in the early 80's.)
I know Metallica's sound won't change too much with out Newsted, but still it's sad.
Savatage though, they lost the singer. And he's a great singer. Their next CD, the awesomely titled Poets and Madmen will feature their old lead singer, who had been acting as keyboardist, etc, but his voice just doesn't compare to good old Zak's.
I really am troubled by all this.
I really have to get started on my script for what could very well be the sleaziest B Movie romp to ever not hit Hollywood. If I wasn't the laziest sumbitch on the planet, who knows, it mighta been a done deal by now.
The script that is, not an actual movie.
So I went to the beach with Pal Joey.
I'M IN FUCKING PAIN!!!
I have to learn the fine art of self lotioning.
Is "lotioning" a word?
Anyway, it was an ugly, rainy day, but I still burned like I'm a do the day I cross the gates of Hell…if that's where I end up…
IF it exists to begin with…
I bought 5, count 'em 5, T-shirts from Hot Topic, the coolest store in the universe.
Nothing says "loser" like going on unnecessary depression-caused spending spree.
Played another game of Trivial Pursuit, and again, although I won, my God I'm a dumb fuck lately!!!
So I can't believe I'm gonna mention this, but lately I've been a lot less vague than I usually am here, so what the fuck, right?
So I went to this strip club…
I hadn't been there in a while, and I was bored, and let's face it, if I can't get any, I might as well go and see what I'm missing, right? Still it's kinda embarrassing to admit to this here, even if no one is reading…
Anyway, it wasn't too packed, so that's cool.
Immediately I ordered whichever beer was cheapest that night, which for a Saturday night is Corona. Joy.$3.00 (plus a buck's tip) for a beverage that I don't enjoy.
Ah the sacrifices we are made to make…
So I start watching the girls…
Right off the bat, I get a cracker with Snow White skin, and hair so blonde, it's practically white. And to my pleasant surprise, she's dancing to Metallica and Alice In Chains! Woo Fucking Hoo.
Thing is, she doesn't have any hair…you know, down there.
What's up with that? I was into that look for about an hour 10 years ago (hey, she let me shave her, that was cool) but now I just don't like it. I mean, I don't want no 70's afro, but a little hair is OK with me!
There was one dancer that I never saw before who called herself "Michelle"…you know, if you're gonna use fake names anyway, use a good one. Anyway, "Michelle" was amazing. I thought for sure she was of Indian descent…I'm not really into the Indian look, but the hot ones are fucking hot you know?
Anyway, when she came up to me for her gratuity, I asked her her name again, and asked her where she was from , she said she was from Panama. So I told her she was amazing, and much like a cheap "pop" in wrestling, a compliment always gets you a kiss, so this stunning topless Panamanian chick kissed me on the cheek twice, I guess because the first time I basically got a face full of her hair.
The Goddess was there too…"Sophie".
My God, she's awesome. She LOOKS so classy and elegant that you almost forget that she's dancing naked in front of a bunch of drunk horny men.
She always remembers me, which is flattering considering how many men put a dollar bill between those breasts on a nightly basis.
Then there was "Heaven"…
I've never seen her before, and she wasn't really all that, but she was cute and voluptuous. Thing is, she was wearing a "floss" style g-string, and when she turned around for me to slip my dollar bill under her string, I actually kinda slapped her ass.
OK, it was a soft slap, and it was higher up, not on the actual bottom curve of the ass cheek proper, but still as soon as I did it, I felt extremely embarrassed. I figured that was rude and I had definitely gone too far.
But not only did she not seem to care, but she actually came back to me later and asked me if I wanted a "dance". So I treated her like a piece of meat, and she wanted to repay me for it?
Finally there was a dancer whose name I can't even remember.
From the distance from my seat to the stage, she seemed SO hot. She had this amazing voluptuous figure. Obviously, I like voluptuous, OK?
So I'm watching and I'm thinking of what I will say to her when she comes to collect. She finally comes down to my end of the bar, and immediately I can tell she was better looking while she was far away.
Still, I leaned in and whispered, well, the equivalent of whispering in a loud bar atmosphere, and told her that whoever she goes home to is a very lucky man.
She looked at me in a kinda blank stared like way, and asked why?
I said something like, "isn't it obvious?", to which she asked if I wanted a dance.
Ah, the sex industry…it's all about money, money, money…
So I saw Chocolat, and loved it.
There is a review in the Movie Section.
Three day weekend's winding down. It's been interesting…
Most notable thing to come out of it is that I finally played Trivial Pursuit again, first time in years. I won, but played horribly. My feeble mind grows less and less viable.
Oh, and then there's this.
Not my usual vague, speak in riddles stuff, so it won't win me any fans:
Dense and Delirious
If you read that, re-read today's quote…
See, there is a method to me madness…
So it's Saturday night, and I'm home updating my site.
Come on, admit it...you wish you were this cool!
New movie review in the Movie Section...
So today marks three years at my workplace.
I dunno what's more shocking that I never quit, or that they never fired me.
Hmmm, another weekend...no plans...no interest in anything.
So I'm driving and what do I see?
A severed goat's head.
Yeah, this town's really gone to shit since the Satanists moved in…
No seriously, I guess it wasn't necessarily a severed goat's head…it could have been that a small goat decided to cross the street, and a speeding car had no time to stop before plowing into said goat, thus decapitating him cleanly, leaving behind it's severed head, while it's headless body stuck to it's front end like some twisted accessory.
Yeah, I guess that could have been what happened…and OJ really is out there looking for the real killers as we speak.
Ironically the goat's head was lying on a stretch of road informally known as Church Row. At least I think it's called Church Row, even though it's an area known as Horse Country.
So to re-cap, a severed goat's head was lying on a stretch of road called Church Row in an area of town called Horse Country.
I repeat, a goat's head, NOT a horse's head…no reason to incriminate organized crime.
Oh, there's a new movie review in the movie section.
It's ironic, because I've kinda wanted to cry a lot lately.
But nothing comes out.
Nothing doing this weekend.
XFL starts tonight.
I tried to find some t-shirts or something, but haven't been able to. Don't think they're available in stores yet.
I tend to by shit when I'm depressed.
That would explain the massive financial debt...