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OH WOE IS ME...

Thursday, 2/28/02

OK, I had a bunch of stuff to say in here, but I don't have it with me right now, so it'll have to become the first entry in the March journal.
I haven't had access for two days, hence the delay.
But let me just say that while February was a lot better than January, it still basically sucked, so I'm glad it's over...

...and so my site is still appropriately named.

Tuesday, 2/26/02

Despite my abnormalities, I like to think I'm pretty normal.

OK, kind of normal.

OK, OK, maybe not.

Monday, 2/25/02

"Life has no meaning anymore, does it?
- from Interview With The Vampire

Well, that's it, four days off came and went in a blink of an eye, and I have nothing to show for it but a severely depleted bank account.
What a waste of free time and money.
Actually, I've basically spent the last 36 hours in bed. Basically.
Being that I was by myself, I sure am proud!

Friday, 2/22/02

So I'm in the middle of a four day weekend, and I really have nothing to show for it.
Well, I did see two movies, but one was Lord of the Rings, which I had already seen. But I'm glad I saw it again as I enjoyed it more the second time around.
I'm actually very nervous about the rest of the weekend, almost unnaturally so.
I just hope it goes well.
We'll see.

Wednesday, 2/20/02

"Nativity was lost on me
I didn't ask, I couldn't see
What created me?
What and where and how?" - Bruce Dickinson

Last week marked my fourth anniversary at work.
Four fucking years.
Amazing.
I've never had that kind of stability or longitude with any other endevour I've undertaken, be it personal or "professional".
So they gave me a raise, and praised me up and down (not that I bought into it)...
...and still, here I sit, miserable...

"Each of us enjoys our own agony too much" - fromA Lower Deep by Tom Piccirilli

Saturday, 2/16/02

So I'm listening to a new CD I bought, Puritanical Euphoric Misanthopria, by Dimmu Borgir.
These guys are scary...even scarier than Cradle of Filth. Actually, they sound pretty similar to Cradle, but Cradle sort of has this over the top spin which is almost comical, but Borgir is much more serious...and on the plus side, they occasionally have "clean" vocals, not just the screeching stuff. It's kinda funny because it's actually credited that way, "Vortex" (that's the name listed) Bass & Clean Vocals.
Anyway, the music is awesome, but sheesh, the vocals and themes are not so friendly...

I had to do something this weekend, and while I would have liked to have seen all the movies nominated for Best Picture, I just can't seem to muster any interest in seeing In The Bedroom, so instead I did what I never thought I'd do, and I went to the "beautiful people" theater by myself, and saw the awesome The Brotherhood of the Wolf for a second time.
Love that movie!
I had actually wanted to see Return To Neverland, but that shit is only 63 minutes!!!
What's up with that? It really should have gone straight to video.

OK, this entry is starting to sound almost upbeat, so I better go lest you think I'm not my typically miserable self...

Thursday, 2/14/02

I know, I know, Valentine's Day is nothing but a corporate holiday devised for the sole purpose of bulging the pockets of candy, cards, and flower salespeople everywhere, but for a lonely hopeless romantic like me, well, ouch.

Wednesday, 2/13/02

I have no reason to be in here today except to wish my sister a very happy birthday!
But she doesn't read my site either, so I guess that was pointless...

Actually, last night I was reading from my book du jour (well, it's more like my monthly book, not daily, but I don't know how to say that in French) and I saw something that screamed to be posted on my site:

The gloom went beyond remoteness, another manifestation of doubt and regret. Like all my remorse it was never-ending, as deep and limitless as the dark where all my failures lurked.
I could go no further...
...Sometimes the despair came in too low and fast. It slid under my guard to skewer me so deeply that I didn't know if I was dead or alive anymore."

- From A Lower Deep by Tom Piccirilli
Yeah, I usually read that light, happy kinda stuff.
Actually, this is a weird horror book, and at times it's hard to follow.
Not my usual cup o' tea, but what the hell, I'm half way through it, and I have the third of the Unfortunate Series of Events books waiting for me...

Thursday, 2/7/02

Oh God, I saw some footage of Anna Nicole Smith doing a runway show for Lane Bryant.
Let me tell you, at her peak, I thought this woman was a Goddess. She ws the epitome of "voloptuous", and she even seemed kinda sweet.
Then came all the ugly stories and she started to seem like a big old mess. Then came that, that...marriage? He was like 100 and who am I to say that she married him for his millions and millions and not because she was actually in love with him?
Whatever.
Anyway, the person I saw yesterday was tragic really. It wasn't her size, even though she has, um, grown. No, it was the face, and the behavior. The face shows a life wasted, and though she smiled the whole time, it was a fake, pathetic smile.
Her behavior, well, I'm hardly an expert, but drugs or alcohol (and I mean a lot of either, or both)had to have been involved.
Sad, really.
I hope she can straighten herself out.

Tuesday, 2/5/02

Well, the Super Bowl was actually pretty good.
And more importantly, there was no ugliness...
In fact, it was a very nice tribute to America.
And though I'm not into them, that electronic banner that scrolled while U2 performed, the one with all the 9-11 victims' names...well, I'm easy, but I choked up.
And I guess if I had to pick a best commercial, it would have to be the Budweiser Clydesdales bowing in reverence to New York City.

Sunday, 2/3/02

So it's Super Bowl Sunday.
There was a time that meant a lot to me.
But it's like I've totally lost my taste for football. And then there's all the hype, and all the music with bands and performers that really don't do it for me.
But I'm bummed by my lack of interest.
I'll probably flip through the channels then stop on the game only for the commercials.
Those are usually pretty awesome.

Oh, and then there's the quiet yet persistent fear that something ugly could possibly happen.
I know security will be unprecedented, but, well, you know.
Fuck, we shouldn't even have to think about that, you know?

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