MARCH 2002

Sunday, 3/31/02

I knew that this weekend would kinda suck...
Goodbye March.
Oh, and Happy Fucking Easter...

Friday, 3/29/02

Wanna know what pathetic is?
Pathetic is having Friday off (It's Good Friday {no meat today? ooops}, and I think part of a week long Jewish holiday as well) but still coming into the office to take advantage of much quicker computer connections and to listen to knac.com before heading off to see a movie in an hour.
THAT is pathetic.
Actually, this whole weekend doesn't bode well.
But like I said, I'll be seeing a movie in a few, plus I saw one last night, and I may see another Saturday, so there may be three new reviews up by Sunday night.
You must be wet with anticipation...

Tuesday, 3/26/02

I'm only updating because I haven't been doing much updating lately.
I have absolutely nothing to say though.
I mean, yeah, I still hate the world and most of the fuckers in it, but who am I to bitch about that...

I guess I can talk about the Oscars...but I really don't feel like it.

Sheesh, why did I bother coming in here...

Wednesday, 3/20/02

"Where others have purpose, I am but an outsider, archaic and feeble.
Alone, I strive for my own identity yet I crave to be part of the whole."
- From House of Pain by Sephera Giron

I had to put that in my journal.
Everytime I read the words of others that so perfectly encapsulate my feelings, I need hide behind that.
Hidden, yet totally exposed and vulnerable...

Tuesday, 3/19/02


Friday, 3/8/02

Oh look, a weekend.
What fun.

Well, this sucks...

Wednesday, 3/6/02

I swear to fucking God my head's about to implode.

Friday, 3/1/02

Sometimes I think I may be cursed…but not in the way you would think.
Sometimes I think I bring others down…like if they befriend me, suddenly their lives are spun into disarray. I'm sure I'm exaggerating, and I certainly don't mean to imply that I am so significant in the cosmic grand scheme of things that I can affect others' lives, but more often than not, it seems that way.
Maybe it's all purely coincidental, but then, maybe it isn't.
I hope I'm just crazy, but it does seem that anyone I get to know at work eventually gets the axe… …and Tuesday, now this is really weird to me, but Tuesday I dreamt a very strange dream (like I have any "normal" ones) where in I was in my office, and there was a male celebrity (who, I can't remember) who was walking around saying his goodbyes to everyone. Now because I'm a freak, by the time he got to me, it was Ben Affleck.
OK, let's discuss this part for a second.
The fact that it ended up being Affleck is irrelevant. Weird, but irrelevant.
The significant thing is that person was saying his goodbyes in the office
OK, so Affleck said his goodbyes, and that's all I remember.
So Wednesday I come to work, and everything's normal, in other words, everything sucks as usual, but the guy that I've sort of started being a little more social with, including having had lunch with Tuesday afternoon, gets called into the boss' office, and yep, gets fired.
Now I dunno, but that makes it weird that I had that dream the night before, and it makes it weird that yet another "friend" from the office got the axe.
He's a good guy, and I'm sure he'll be fine…Hell, for him it's probably a good thing 'cause he lives really far away from the office anyway…
But it's just weird.

I was once told I "attract pain"…
Maybe I AM that pain?

Oh, the only other thing I can say about dreams right now, is that the closest thing I have to a "recurring" dream, is different dreams regarding alligators and / or crocodiles.
At least three times, though I think it's more than that, I've dreamt about being confronted with those reptiles, usually in rather similar situations…
Now like I've said here often, I just don't know what I believe, but according to dream dictionaries, dreaming about alligators or crocs refers to "treachery", and being surrounded by untrustworthy people.
I don't really know that many people, but the people closest to me are pretty good people, and I would say I trust them, so I dunno what to make of all that…

I think I just had a Déjà vu…I hope I haven't already written all this shit before…

UM, I had lunch with the beautiful Psyche the other day.
It's kinda pathetic on my part because even after all this time, there's still a lot of pain on my part, but it was a lot of fun, and I'm really glad that we're still friends.
She's just such a great person, and I'm honored to be even a small part of her life…