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I JUST GOTTA VENT
APRIL 2000

Saturday 4/29/00

"Fuck it all with fucking no regrets" - Metallica
I am SO fucking happy that this month is about to end.
Good Fucking Riddance!

Thursday 4/27/00

"Once the stone you're crawling under is lifted off your shoulders, the sound that you'll hear is the crashing down of hollow years" - Dream Theater
I don't really feel like writing. I've been kind of stressed and depressed lately. Work is really getting to me. The inability to see the light at the end of "my" tunnel is really getting to me.
I have some ideas on how to "crawl out from under my stone", but I can't seem to hash them out and make them reality. I was just looking over my resume, and Fucking A man, it SUCKS!
How do you totally waste 31 years the way I have? (Well, it hasn't all been bad, obviously. Some has been pretty fucking amazing...)
I dunno. It's like I'm so scared of change yet fully understand that without change there really is no life. Fucking vicious Catch-22s. It seems like they always find a way to kick me in the head.
It aint pleasant.
Well now that I'm even more depressed than before, bye...

Sunday 4/23/00

It's Easter Sunday. I feel kinda guilty. I basically blew off the Little Gypsy. I guess I had kinda agreed to go to Easter service with her, but I didn't. So I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble...
I saw Where The Heart Is last night with said Gypsy. You can see my "review" in the movie section, if you're so inclined.
I know I'm Mr. Negativity, but man oh man, I am dreading work this week. There's just no way it could be anything but bad. Basically no work was accomplished last week with all the phone and computer glitches, and then the extra day off. UGH, It's gonna be bad...

Wednesday 4/19/00

"yeah I guess I'm being used
that's OK man 'cause I like the abuse
yeah I guess she's playing with me
that's OK 'cause I have no self esteem" - The Offspring
Work is REALLY outta hand! It hasn't been bad like this in a long time. I need to get another job. I don't know where to start looking. The thought of going through the interview process terrifies me. I absolutely suck at being interviewed. Fucking A.
Oh to add some insult to injury at work, yesterday we had no phones...and then today we had no computers...and before I left for the day, early, because I was doing absolutely NOTHING there anyway, I find out the copy machine died too. Murphy's Law's a bitch, huh?
What else? Let's see. I'm about to go take my walk. I'm very disappointed with my walks lately. They're just not long enough. I'm not getting enough out of them. Maybe I should get a bike...yeah, there's an idea.
Well, that's it. Well, there's more, but nah, you don't need to hear it right now...
Sheesh, I can literally see you rolling eyes...

Saturday 4/15/00

So yeah I'm listening to the brand new Trans Siberian Orchestra CD, Beethoven's Last Night. It's their first non-Christmas CD. So far it's pretty freaking cool. It's this elaborate, fictional tale of Beethoven butting heads with Mephistopheles. It forces you to suspend disbelief and have an open mind...but I'll give it a go anyway.
I bought The Matrix on video. It's the letter-box version. I know, I know, I need a DVD player, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon, so fuck it. The Matrix is just an amazing movie!
I saw The Road To El Dorado. I didn't know what I should see...American Psycho, Erin Brockovich, Return To Me, Keeping The Faith...there was a lot to choose from that I have yet to see, but I went with the animated one. I enjoyed it, and I really think that the chemistry between Branaugh and Kline was great. The songs do suck though.
Soon enough it'll be time to see Where The Heart Is starring that Goddess disguised as an 18 year old human female, Natalie Portman! Woo-Fucking-Hoo!
Hmmm...not much personal shit in this one,eh? Ok, bye.

Wednesday 4/12/00

Hi
I don't really have anything to say right now.
I'm very depressed and stressed and anxious and there's really nothing I can do about it.
At least not to offer a quick solution.
I dunno. I dunno what else to say. Bye.

Tuesday 4/11/00

So this past weekend kinda sucked. Mental note...vagueness kills...
Work is becoming kinda stressful again. That kinda sucks too.
I've been listening to STRYPER lately. They're a Christian Metal Hair Band from the 80s. I love them. It's just so weird to sing along to their stuff though.
It's just that all of their songs are religious, although most of them seem to be singing about relationships between people, but they're really about relationships with God.
Aye there's the rub! Can you picture me singing along to a chorus that goes, "Jesus, THE King of Kings!".
Me neither...yet I always do. Much the same way that I sing along with other music that sometimes has much more SECULAR themes..."I KNOW YOU'RE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE" for example...
You know, now that I'm an old fuck, and there's just no hope for Santa or The Easter Bunny, etc, I wish I could truly dive in and Believe in...I dunno...something. It's just that, I do know people who are extremely religious...religious to a fault even.
But their lives suck too!
I mean, Fucking A, if I'm gonna invest all my hope, love and devotion into something, I need something back in return...not this mental placebo that tells me I am loved or I am saved or I will have Eternal life.
Can't I have some proof...PLEASE?
Sometimes, I almost see a sign that makes me think, you know, just maybe there's something looking out for us. I mean, I really like the concept of Angels. I mean, how cool would it be if they were really always with us, protecting us? Hell, the other day I was talking to the Little(st) One, and she said she was scared of the dark. So I went on and on about how she had no reason to be afraid because Number One, there are no such things as monsters, and Number Two, even if one DID show up, her Guardian Angel would scare it away. She looked so cute and innocent...she was pretty taken with this revelation that she has an Angel looking out for her 24/7...especially at night when she sleeps. Hell, I was pretty taken with my own story.
How I only wish it was real...

Sunday 4/9/00

"Stupid people do stupid things
Smart people out smart each other
Then themselves, then themselves" - System of a Down
Fucking A! Sometimes I forget that officially I'm still "the other man".
Whatever

Saturday 4/8/00

Hey there!
It's Saturday morning of what could be a pretty quiet, boring weekend. No real plans for the weekend, which might be a good thing since I'm so fucking broke anyway. It's just that since I'm hardly home now, I get bored and restless when I am home.
I really should clean up around here. It's getting kinda messy.
I may see a movie this weekend...but it might be a really bad movie. I also gotta watch this bootleg video I bought at MegaCon last weekend, Vampire Circus. It's an ultra-cheesy, kinda trippy "lost" Hammer Horror classic. I've always wanted to see it, but you just can't find it anywhere...unless you go to a convention I guess.
Well, this was kinda boring huh? It's like, people complain when I'm all down, dark and depressed, but ya gotta admit, it makes for much more interesting journal entries.
Truth is, I am kinda depressed, but just to keep with tradition, I'll be vague about it...

Wednesday 4/5/00

WASSUP! Hey it's been a while! This is a first ever "broadcast" from The Little Gypsy's house! Cool, huh? I'm about to have some of her incredibly awesome pasta with meat sauce, and damn it, that's a good thing!
Work has been so hectic lately, and kinda stressing, so the hell with that noise...let's talk about some good stuff:
Over the weekend, The Gypsy, her little one, Pal Joey (he of the ultra cool and redesigned "joeythefilmgeek.com"), my bud Jedi (or Spirit...) and myself all went up to Orlando to attend Mega Con.
Mega Con is a pretty big comic book convention featuring writers, artists, models, actors, actresses, and let's face it...a whole lotta freaks! Comic book conventions bring out the, uh, more socially challenged members of society, my friends and I not really being an exception. I must say however, that at a place like that, even a dork like me seems a lot more normal...

Anyway, we had a good old time. We walked around forever in the convention, took pictures, bought stuff, had books signed, etc. Also, it was really cool for me because I had never been outta town with The Gypsy, so that was pretty cool, albeit way too short.

Then, the highlight for me, we ate at my favorite restaurant...RIO BRAVO!
I LOVE Rio Bravo, and since shitty ass Miami doesn't have one, I never get to eat there any more. It was truly scrumptious! Yummy! And other groovy words...

Well, this has been a long enough entry, so I'm gonna go for a long walk now with my two favorite ladies. See ya!

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