JULY 2001

Monday 7/23/2001

"Why have you forsaken me
In your eyes
Forsaken me
In your thoughts
Forsaken me
In your heart
Forsaken me" - System Of A Down

It's 4:16 AM Monday morning, and I pretty much hate everything.

I meant to talk about my beautiful night on Friday, but I can't now.

I meant to talk about my pretty great Saturday, but I can't now.

And I sure as fuck don't wanna talk about my roller coaster Sunday.
So I guess that's that.

But I did post a new REVIEW.

Monday 7/23/2001

"Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony" - Metallica

I am the biggest pussy on the planet.
AND the biggest idiot!
Well, because after another hellishly bullshit day at work...something that will not change anytime soon, I came home and barely looked at the Sunday job section.
And now I came online, and I just can't get myself to forward my resume anywhere. I don't know why, but I can't.
I mean, it doesn't help that I can't go to the biggies like Monster.com, etc, because the people I work with check that sight daily, and that would make for one awkward conversation in the morning, now wouldn't it?

Today was made even worse by the fact that I thought for sure my bad attitude and temper had cost me my relationship.
Luckily for me I scraped by, but I really have to watch myself.
I'd hate myself if I had hurt her...

Sunday 7/22/2001

"I am the lord of the wastelands
A modern day
Man of Steel
I gather darkness to feed me
And I command you to kneel
Before the
God of the Thunder
And Rock and Roll
The spell you're under
Will slowly rock you off your virgin soul" - KISS

You know, it's not even Sunday as I begin to right this, but already my mandatory Sunday depression is kicking my ass.
Big time.
Fucking A.

Found out the other day that James Hetfield, rhythm guitarist and vocalist for Metallica, entered Rehab for "alcoholism and other addictions". I was gonna write a bunch of shit about that, but fuck it.
I'll just say that while I understand addiction, first hand, I'm sure, I can't seem to understand alcoholism or drug addiction. It just doesn't seem necessary.

The weather has sucked lately…especially Saturday.

I saw a pretty fucking pathetic MOVIE

But then I saw a A MUCH BETTER MOVIE, so that helped.

Friday night was kinda INTERESTING though.

And I haven't really done much else but try to help a friend who's run into a rough patch. I think he'll be OK.

Oh, and I got to spend some time with my friend last night, an unexpected luxury because her schedule's been kinda brutal lately.
That was definitely the highlight of my weekend, even though it's not really over yet.

Thursday 7/19/2001

"The road to hell
Is paved with good intentions
Say farewell
We may never meet again" - Bruce Dickinson

My intentions were innocent and good, but as usual I fucked up.
You'd think I'd know better...

Tuesday 7/17/2001

No quote today either.
It's 5:45 in the A fucking M, and I'm at work.
I hate...

Sunday 7/15/2001

No quote.
Nothing to say.
Well, actually, Pal Joey and one of his good friends, who has since become a friend of mine, took me to dinner at Cheesecake Factory as a sorta belated B Day thing.
It was great, and I think a nice time was had by all.

Oh, and I added a movie review YESTERDAY.
Nothing else really.
I tried to be productive today, by walking some, washing my car, and even washing Icon The Uber-Beast.
Of course since then it's rained like a muthafukka...

Sunday's kinda suck...
...and my insecurities are completely in conrol at the moment...

Wednesday 7/11/2001

Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the
F L O O R !" - Drowning Pool

So why the fuck am I doing another update?
Fuck if I know.
I know I'm just gonna bitch some more about the fucking cesspool of hatred I call "work".

Actually, today we lost another employee.
She quit, because she knew she'd be fired soon unless things changed drastically.
I wasn't too close with her, and I didn't love her work style, but she seemed like a decent human being, and to make things worse, she's pregnant, so I really hope she finds happiness and stability.
I know just leaving that place was a weight off her shoulders...she definitely didn't like it there.

Oh, and on Friday, we're closing down the pretty newly opened second location (in Broward County).
I'm such an asshole AND and an idiot, that even though it just means more hardships for me and my coworkers, I almost rejoice in the company's struggle.
Them bosses got way too big for their own britches, and quite frankly, they need to be humbled...arrogant, greedy, malicious fucks that they can be.

But I'm not bitter or anything...

Actually, no, what I am is depressed to this weird extreme, where I feel this wall of tears sort of just below the surface.
It's not that I feel the actual urge to cry, but instead, this constant feeling that at any moment the flood gates will burst open, and, I dunno what that would bring...

Monday 7/9/2001

"Take a look to the sky just before you die
It's the last time you will" - Metallica

Oh boy, it's getting bad...and the bad is getting worse.
I know, I know, why get on this thing and just bitch about my shitty job and my over-all shitty life?
Well, because though it's not much help, it does help to be able to vent.
And being that these pages are called I Just Gotta Vent, this does seem like a primo place to do so...
Besides, the thought of actually beginning a job search in earnest scares me to death.
Aint nobody gonna wanna hire me. I'm prolly not worth what I earn now, so I prolly won't be able to match my pay anywhere...
And of course, there's the small but significant fact that I have NO idea what the Hell I wanna do (now, or when I grow up...whichever comes first).

So instead I choose to sit here and write my vile words while relaxing to the soothing sounds of Cradle Of Filth (hey, he's only screeched like Ned Beatty in Deliverance four or five times now, and we're already on song two!)
But seriously, no wait, aww fuck, I lost my train of thought.
Fuck it, nothing new to say anyway.
But no, when I'm done with this I'm not gonna go and check out any of the trillion online job services that are available at my fingerprints, or even the good old fashioned actual newspaper job section I have lying around my room somewhere, you know, the one that I always seperate on Sundays, and get rid of Wednesday night, cuz I figure that even if I were to quit or get fired on a Thursday or Friday, I wouldn't even consider trying to find a new job until the following Sunday anyway...(when the cycle would begin anew)...
Nah, I'm not gonna do those things, because those would be the right things to do, and hey, it's me, right? I rarely do things right.

Nope, I'm gonna get off the computer, read some more of this freaking story that's taking me forever to finish, and then, like any 33 year old male should be doing on a Monday night...I'm a watch me some wrasslin' on the Tee Vee...

Sunday 7/8/2001

"I pace, alone
In a place for the dead
Overcome by woe
And here, I've grown
So fond of dread
That I swear it's Heaven" - Cradle Of Filth

And so now I'm 33 years old.
Oh boy.
It's been so long since I've been at a "double digit"…I was 22 then.
I don't even remember 22, ya know?
But now I sit here and think, my next "double digit", should I make it that far, will be 44.
Fucking A, that's a hideous thought!
I know, I know, 33 aint THAT old, but it's pretty old for me, who still acts like a kid.
It's like the older I get, the further I regress…

I had a pretty amazing night last night, thanks to my, um, friend.
She's really great, and quite frankly, she spoils me…especially last night.
I don't feel worthy of the attention she lavishes on me, but I'm not noble enough to not accept it.
We're in a pretty good place, her and I…despite a lot of complications.
Nobody said it was gonna be easy, but it definitely seems worth the trouble.

Now I guess I better get down to what all birthday boys look forward to doing on their special day…paying bills.

Saturday 7/7/2001

"I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication" - Tool

So I'm listening to the new Lacuna Coil CD. YES!!!
This Italian slightlyGoth-Metal act really kicks ass.
Along with them, I ordered a CD from a band called Falconer. Straight up German power metal. Sure it's Dungeons and Dragons stuff, but fuck it, I'm stupid that way…
And I also got the latest from those harbingers of good taste, Cradle of Filth.
This one's called, "Bitter Suites to Succubi", and while I'm sure that means something, I have no clue what it is. But obviously "succubi" is plural for succubus, a female demon that attacks men while they sleep and drains them of their life force, as well as the occasional blood and semen.
Hey it's all about biology…

So I took my mom to see CATS & DOGS.
Best thing about the whole experience was seeing the trailer for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Wow, I really can't wait for that movie!
Um, well, I guess that's it for now.
If I remembered more of the dream I woke up from last night, the one where the Asian military police man was about to kick me in the face, that one, I'd write about it.
For the record, I'd really prefer not to ever get kicked in the face by anyone, OK?

Friday 7/6/2001

"I am the Way
I am the Light
I am the dark inside the Night
I hear your Hopes
I feel your Dreams
And in the Dark
I hear your Screams" - Savatage

The moon looked really nice tonight.
I noticed it after leaving a restaurant that my friend and his girlfriend took me to for a slightly early birthday dinner. It was a nice gesture on their part, and we had a nice time.
Of course, as usual, I ate way too much and now feel like a beached whale.
Speaking of seafood, I had chicken.

I'm listening to the original score from Bram Stoker's Dracula.
What awesome music.

I guess that's it.
Even though tomorrow's Saturday, I am going into work for at least two hours.
I have no choice because I left certain things undone, that need to be done before Monday.

Fucking A, I am FULL!

Wednesday 7/4/2001

"All this sadness in me
That's the way I feel
All this madness in me
That's what makes you real" - Stereo Mud

I'm really annoyed right now, because it's July 4th, and what, there's nothing special going on.
But that's not really it, what it really is is that I have my usual Sunday night blahs, but they are magnified in their intensity by the fact that it's actually Wednesday, and I have to get to work really early tomorrow to try and finish the work I'm behind on due to the day off, but more importantly, due to that fucking client from Hell that we are bending over backwards to keep.
Well, THAT was a really long, gramatically incorrect sentence!
We're dangerously close to losing the client that has been our biggest for a while now.
As a preemptive strike, we're basically kissing this new client's ass, but with open mouth, and quite a bit of tongue. It's fucking annoying, degrading, demoralizing, and more importantly, seemingly pointless.
I don't understand business, but it just doesn't seem to make sense right now.


Enough about work.
Last night was a pretty important night in my relationship.
Thing is, I dunno which way the pendulum is swinging…

Oh yeah, and I saw SCARY MOVIE 2

As is the norm, I remain forever Vertically, Metabolically, Folically, and Asthetically Challenged...
OK, bye

Sunday 7/1/2001

"I know the pieces fit" - Tool

A weird thing happened the other day.
I was almost brought to tears by the lyrics in a cheesy (but sweet) old song , I believe performed by Billy Ocean, Suddenly.
I know, I know, I'm a girlie-man, and all that, but yeah, it had an impact on me…

One of my favorite bands, with the rather cheesy name of Iced Earth, finally put out a new CD, Horror Show.
You'd think it was almost a movie soundtrack.
Here's an example of some of the titles:
Jeckyl & Hyde
& Dracula
I dunno, I guess they like Horror Movies…

Well, July's here.
Fucking A, as long and drawn out as the days seem, in the bigger picture, the months just fly by.

That thing I recently mentioned about celebrity deaths always coming in threes may not be so after all. Legendary guitarist Chet Atkins just passed away as well. He was old school country, but damn, he can play some serious guee-tar!
Add to that legendary blues man John Lee Hooker a couple of weeks ago, and damn it all to hell, that's five in about a month's time…

I saw what may, or may not be the summer's most awaited movie.
Anyway, my review is HERE