STAR WARS EPISODE II:
ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Natalie Portman was born on June 9, 1981. (When I was about thirteen)
She is a very talented actress who made her astonishing debut in The Professional, and stole every scene she graced in one of my favorite films, Beautiful Girls. Since then she also starred in ANYWHERE BUT HERE with Susan Sarandon and WHERE THE HEART IS, her first real starring role.

Natalie Portman is an exquisite beauty, drawing comparisons to the late Audrey Hepburn, no doubt due to her elegant and sophisticated appearance. If I had a ďfantasy dream girlĒ, it would have to be MS. Portman, which is ironic because sheís a wee tiny thing, and me, well, I tend to like, um, women of substance, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Natalie Portman disappointed me greatly when she decided to take part in a series of movies which were prequels to some movies which were first released some twenty years ago. Of the previous Star Wars movies, I had only seen the second one, which turns out to be Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back.
Had the lovely and talented actress not been involved with the prequels, I would have steered clear of the whole mess all together. But no, she just couldnít say no to the financial rewards and international success that making these movies would give her.
Go figure.

Anyway, when EPISODE ONE came out, I sat through it and was bored with what was merely an excuse to showcase outstanding breakthroughs in digital effects in lieu of an actual story. I canít remember clearly, but I think I actually hated the movie.
Then there was the whole Jar Jar Binks thing. Oy wey.

And now we have Episode II, ridiculously entitled Attack Of The Clones. I wanted to hate this movie, but I actually worried I was gonna like it.
Phew, dodged a bullet.
Wow, this is a surprisingly bad movie.
Itís like creator (and possible antichrist...well him or Bill Gates, right?) George Lucas learned nothing from the last one. OR, maybe he learned too much. These movies are guaranteed cash cows, so pointless drivel is acceptable as long as itís all flashy and shit.
Hmmm. Shit. Itís so appropoÖ

Seriously, Iím not just trying to be negative as to stay in my beloved ďasshole modeĒ (my usual mode, I guess), but I truly feel like this movie looks like an ambitious, self-indulgent art project executed by amateurs with a ridiculously high budget.
I know, I know, there is a lot of highly skilled creative artistry in this movie, but the whole movie seemed so fake to me. Like it was always just a bunch of talented actors in a front of a blue screen for two hours spewing really, really bad dialogue.
I honestly canít see how anybody who isnít a devoted Star Wars fan could truly appreciate it.

Well, unless of course, they just wanted to see Ms. Portman.
While even she canít rise above the abysmal dialogue, she sure looks beautiful though.
Stunningly so.

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