I JUST GOTTA VENT 2/00

Monday, 2/28/00 I really don't wanna write right now, so go back and reread "FEELINGS", and then "UGLY", and figure it out.

Sunday, 2/27/00 This page is getting too long, so I put some FEELINGS here.
I did something like this a while back when I wrote UGLY. If you never read that, knock yourself out.

Friday, 2/25/00 What a fucking day. DAMN, I really wish I could tell you all about it.
Instead, I'll tell you about this: So anyway, at work there's quite a bit of people I never really socialize with. Big shock, eh?
But lately, two of those people, a married couple, all of a sudden are inviting me over to hang out with them. WEIRD. But it gets WEIRDER...they know that I have a guitar, which I can't play at all, and since she has a bass (that she can't play), and he has a drum set (that he can barely play), they wanna jam as a really bad band! What the fuck?
I joke about it with them a lot, but have yet to commit to doing anything with them. What's even weirder is that I must be thinking about it a lot, because I actually dreamt about it. I just don't get it.
OK, that's all I'm talking about tonight. I'm tired. Fucking A, you have no idea how tired I am...

Wednesday, 2/23/00 This is just a test. First time ever doing this from work. I MUST be crazy. More later...
OK, OK, so I didn't get much done at work. Work has been very stressing lately. For the moment though, I am SO stuck there it just aint funny!
So anyway, so far the Grammy's have been overwhelmingly boring. Well, Jennifer Lopez' dress was entertaining, but everything else has sucked.
Actually, I just wanna go to sleep. I don't think I'll be doing much of anything else tonight anyway. I guess I won't be getting any phone calls. Good night

Tuesday, 2/22/00 "...and if I close my mind with fear, pry it open; and if my face becomes sincere, beware". Yeah, Metallica still rules!
So I'm trying to change things here and there. You may have noticed...
Why the fuck am I still up? I have to be up in a few hours. I dunno, I guess I'm still too hyper. I tend to get this way when I get back from the Gypsy's. I don't mind though. It's like a good hyper, even though everything, generally speaking is a fucking mess. I don't know what else to say about that right now.
So it seems that my rather small circle of friends, and I consider myself a member in good standing of said circle, man, we've all got issues! Fucking A. I mean all due respect to those in question, but man, when you get right down to it, what a bunch of freaks we are.
Oh come on, don't get pissed off! You KNOW it's true!

Sunday, 2/20/00 "Careful what you wish, you may regret it. Careful what you wish, you just might get it". Heh, Metallica rules.
So the Gypsy's back. I think it's fair to say we missed each other. Even her daughter seemed awfully fond of me today. Curious that. Strange even.
Actually, something weird happened...and I probably shouldn't say it because it was a meaningless slip of the tongue...I think. She actually called me Daddy...twice.
Well, I'm pretty sure it was an innocent slip of the tongue. She was extremely giddy, and just made a mistake. Yeah, that's it.
Um, well, other than that, I got nothing else to say. Oh, wait, since it's Sunday night, I gotta say...I DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK TOMORROW!

Saturday, 2/19/00 I hung out with my oldest sister today. It's been a while since it was just the two of us. We had a late lunch/early dinner and talked a lot. I think it was semi-therapeutic for both of us.
We also saw "The Whole Nine Yards", the new comedy with Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry. Certain kinds of movies should not be screened by critics. This is one of those movies.
See, some movies are just mindless, pointless entertainment, and damn it, there's nothing wrong with that. This movie has been dissed badly by critics, but it's funny. You go, you laugh, you forget about your shitty ass life for an hour and a half or so, and you also get to see Amanda Peet's teeth and boobs. If you know who she is, you know what I mean.
I hafta admit, I really miss the Gypsy. Damn, she's only been gone two days! Sometimes being a hopeless romantic can really kick you in the ass. I have been getting my fair share of her big, beautiful Akita, Icon. It's been kind of nice "taking care" of him in her absence. I wish I could do more than just feed him, but I guess we all have our limitations.
I'm very excited! I received my copy of "Sandman: The Dream Hunters". It's a beautifully illustrated hardcover graphic novel by the incredibly talented Neil Gaiman and a Japanese artist I've never heard of before name of Yoshitaka Amano. It's Gaiman's first Sandman story since he retired the AWESOME Sandman comic book series in 94 or 95. I can't wait to read it!

Friday, 2/18/00 I think it was Winston Churchill...no, no, it was Ronnie James Dio that said, "you play with fire, you burn your fingers"
So anyway I had dinner with the Chuban. We talked a lot. A LOT. The boy can talk, know what I mean? But actually I talked more than I usually do...hell, you think this online journal is vague, try getting stuff outta me through regular conversation!
Anyway, we talked a lot about his life, which I'm happy to report is going quite well. He'll be getting married in November. I'm very honored, although a little hesitant to say that he has asked me to be his Best Man. He's a really good guy. I guess we just sort of grew apart. That's why I'm a little hesitant about being his Best Man. Well that, and the fact that I hate tuxes, and I don't like crowds, and I hate being under pressure, and I probably can't say a toast to save my life OR yours.
We also talked a little too much about my, um, friendship with a certain Little Gypsy. Uh huh. We also talked a bit about other stuff, but really, I can tell your bored already...

Thursday, 2/17/00 So I'm a little worried about Her. But you know what, she is such a fighter, that I guess I don't have to be. So I won't worry. But I'll miss her this weekend. That's for sure.
Oh, I got a call from an old friend. She had been MIA for quite a while. It was good to hear from her, but it was a little bittersweet. Especially because things aren't going well for her. I hope things get better for her soon.
I'm actually thinking of going to the beach this weekend. I know, I know, me? At the beach? Well damn it, I need a fucking tan! I have passed pale and am looking pasty at this point! It's one thing to be short, fat, bald, and ugly, but short, fat, bald, ugly, and pasty doesn't cut it!

Tuesday, 2/15/00 So the Oscar nominations came out today, and damn it, I'm happy! I think I may have a scheduling problem though...
See, I don't care how much of a dork you think I am, but I always watch the Oscars, and I don't wanna miss it this year either! However, I may be outta town that very weekend, and well obviously, I can't be two places at once. Hmmm, what to do, what to do?
Work absolutely sucked today. I do bad thing, boss no happy, day takes an ugly turn, day no get better. FUCK! On the bright side, I didn't get fired, so "fuck it all with fucking no regrets"! Hey, that's Metallica!
Oh yeah, Valentines Day...it was pretty nice. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. But would she?

Sunday, 2/13/00 Happy Birthday to my Big Sis! Heh, she's OLD!!! (Just Kidding!!!)
I have to say, it was a pretty good weekend overall. I don't know what tomorrow (Valentine's Day) will bring, but so far, so good. Actually, we basically did Valentine's Day already. It was easier to do it over the weekend, than it would be to do it on Monday night, you know? Well, whatever. We'll see what happens.
I'm trying to think of ways to change this website. It's really kinda lame, and hell even I've lost interest in it...and it's my site! Well, I know that I'll figure something out eventually, especially if I get together with Joey The Film Geek. He really knows what he's doing when it comes to web design.
OK, so what is the deal with all these dead people lately? I mean, I'm not trying to be flippant, but shit, how many "celebrities" died in the last week? Fucking A man. They'll all be missed in their own way.

Saturday, 2/12/00 Um, well, I don't know what to say. Yesterday was weird. Work was weird. Then I hung out with my friend Jedi. Yeah, that's what I'll call him here, Jedi. So he and I are old friends, but sometimes we fight like an old married couple. Weird. I thought he had been acting weird lately. (Um, weird is definitely relative here) He insisted that I was acting weird lately. In the end, we pretty much agreed that it was me acting weirder than usual, and we pigged out at the Chinese buffet! Damn, that's good shit right there! Problem is I have no self discipline, and I over stuff my first plate, and well, you just can't take advantage of a buffet when you get stuffed on just one plate! Anyway, it was a good time, but all of a sudden I see this guy right next to me, and it takes me a moment to realize that it's The Chuban, another good friend of mine. However, The Chuban is someone I always seem to blow off (for the most part unintentionally), so when I saw him, and since I was with Jedi, it was instant awkward city. Jedi and Chuban are NOT the best of friends. He was pretty cool about it though, and started bugging me about having a girlfriend, to which I quickly shut his ass up! So bottom line is I promised I wouldn't blow him off the next time he called, and that we could probably get together next weekend.
Jedi and I called it a night early. We always do.
So I went home, and called her. Yeah, her. She said I could come over.
So I went over. I gave her little one some Valentine's Day trinkets. She was less than thrilled, but overall was very nice to me. Weird, huh?
As for the Gypsy herself, she was great. It was almost like what happened this week hadn't happened...but hey, it did. So the bottom line is, I still have no fucking clue what the bottom line is! I know yesterday felt awesome. The feelings I have when I'm with her are real. They have to be. It can be SO good sometimes...

Thursday, 2/10/00 Oh yeah, I fucked up all right. I guess at this point I'm lucky she's even talking to me. Let's just say, I've been put in my place, and it remains to be seen if my place is at her side or not.
I don't think I'll talk about her around here much anymore. As things stand, I guess that would be innappropriate.
So other than that, work sucked too. Whatever.
I don't know what else to do...or say

Wednesday, 2/9/00 So anyway, The Gypsy and I had a big fight. It's the maddest I've ever seen her, so I have no idea what to expect.
Work sucked today, but then again, see above (duh).
I'm kinda tired and sleepy and lacking in energy and stuff like that, so I really don't have much to say here.
In fact, I guess I gotta go pay some bills. Later.

Monday, 2/7/00 OK, while I no longer feel like I'm dying, I AM still dealing with a bad cough and them annoying sniffles. Don't you feel bad for me?
So I finally went to the movies with the Little Gypsy. Man, that sucked. See, we went to see Fantasia 2000 at the overly pretentious Sunset Place.
Neither one of us had been there before, so we wasted a lot of time in the WRONG line, before being moved to the totally unmoving until well past the regular start time RIGHT line. Joy. Then, we get into the auditorium only to find it pitch black, even though the seats are assigned and numbered. Swift moves, oh gurus of big movies! Then the movie finally starts. It begins OK enough, but then one of the first of five live action segments starts...amd the fucking movie is not in synch!!!
Can you believe that? These pricks have the balls to charge you $12 for a fucking movie, and then they can't even match the sound to the fucking image! HELLO! It wasn't as bad when there was a cartoon playing, but even that was screwed up, sice the whole purpose of Fantasia is to match images to music. UGH. Whatever.
Finally, right before the penultimate segment, the geniuses got their shit together. Sheesh. When all was said and done, Fantasia 2000 did NOT need to be an IMAX movie. I can honestly say I only enjoyed two of the animated sequences, and I think it was stupid of thenm to have included "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" from the Original Fantasia. If anything had to be included fom the original, I would have kept "Night on Bald Mountain", obviously!
And now for something completely different...um, the Little Gypsy...she has a daughter. A five year old. But you knew that, didn't you?
Anyway, I guess we can call her The Littlest Gypsy? Whatever, anyway, she has a sort of love/hate relationship with me. Sometimes she barely acknowledges my existence, while other times she's all over me. She's way too young to understand what's going on in her world, and she really doesn't know what to make of me. Well, occasionally she'll remind me that I'm not her Dad. Not in so many words, but believe me, that's the general idea. Last night was one of those nights. She called me from across rather the room loudly, and asked me why I was at her house so much. And reminded me that I don't live there, and said she only liked me a little bit and I shouldn't be there so much, among other things.
Well anyway, for whatever reason, it really hurt me. I can't explain it. I mean, I'm notorious for hating kids anyway, so why should I even care? But I do. A lot. Weird. I guess I want her to like me. More importantly I guess I already have developed feelings for her. I dunno. We actually had "bonding" time alone on Saturday, while her Mom had her eyes checked for new contacts. We had breakfast at BK. I thought it went very well, and it never really felt awkward or forced. But then last night she goes and tells me all that stuff. Oh well, we'll see what happens next. Wow, this is a long rant...

Thursday, 2/3/00 Damn, another update? So soon? Weird, huh?
Yeah, I really need to add another page to the Journal. But I'm kinda lazy, you know?
Oh yeah, I'm still sick! Well, I hafta say, I'm much better than I was, and by tomorrow, I'm hoping to be back to normal, whatever the fuck normal is! I mean, this'll be the fourth night in a row I can't go and visit the Little Gypsy. Come on man, that's cruel and unusual punishment!
It's funny, but I've been getting constructive criticism on what to do with my site, especially my oh so vague Journal entries. It seems I should be more specific about things...good things and bad things. But I dunno man, I just can't see myself baring everything to this site. I mean I know it's not exactly heavily visited, but some thing's should stay at least a little private...no?
I mean, does any one really care specifically if I did (or didn't, heh) get it three times in one night?
Or if the other day, my whole world turned to black...I mean, betrayal hurts...A LOT! The details of which I just don't wanna share right now. If ever.
OK, well, talk at you soon

Wednesday, 2/2/00 I am STILL so FUCKING SICK! I thought it would be gone by now. I mean, you don't understand...right now my eyes look much, MUCH worse than they did some 16 odd years ago, when I, um, partook of Ganja and Sensemilla on a semi-daily basis. Yeah, yeah, I'm not proud, but you know what? I did it. Had my fun. And walked away easily. All ties severed to that world a LONG time ago, so just get over it, OK?
Anyway, my point, and I do have one, is that my eyes are burning, and redder than Death. Hell, last night, I was literally in the fetal position in the middle of the bed, trembling like a Chihuahua in a Great Dane Whore House! It was ugly.
I mean, it seems to just be a bad cold/fever, but damn, I feel like I'm dying. It's funny, as much as I talk about death and dying, I really have no desire to do so, know what I mean?
Probably the worse setback from my "Killer Cold" is the Little Gypsy's stern warning, "I do NOT want to get sick, so...DO NOT TOUCH ME!" Well, Hell, that sucks!

Tuesday, 2/1/00 Fucking A, if I'm not sick as a dog! My head hurts. My eyes burn. My bones ache. My throat is sore. And because of all this, I was a serious pain in the ass at work today. Heh. I act even weirder than usual when I'm sick. I don't know why. It also didn't help that I went in real early, so I had coffee again. I hate the hideous taste of coffee, but damn it I love the rush I get when I drink it. I'm such a fucking light weight, that a little caffeine has me climbing the walls...and usually driving my co-workers batty. Heh!
Um, well, I really don't have anything else to say. I'm so sorry I bore you. I just aint ready to discuss the BLACK day I had last week...the day "part of me died". Ah, forever vague.
So I'm listening to Korn, and right now Ice Cube is screaming at me. He's a very angry young man, isn't he?
Oh, so I didn't really watch the Super Bowl. I saw a bit of the boring first half, and apparently the second half was one of the best ever. Go figure.
I guess I should mention the Little Gypsy...um, no, I guess I won't. Not right now. I just figured I'd mention her since she's rarely far from my thoughts...

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