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I JUST GOTTA VENT
SEPTEMBER 2001

Sunday, September 30, 2001

And so September comes to a close
Not with a bang, but with a whimper
And with the sounds of tears falling and hearts breaking
And with a lack of a full understanding of why...

Everything else is completely irrelevant right now, so I'm not doing a review of Bubble Boy, a really bad movie anyway.
That's it.

Friday, September 28, 2001

"Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony" - Metallica

Yep.

Thursday, September 27, 2001

OK, try and follow me
This is Thursday's post, but I'm posting it Wednesday, but I can't call it Wednesday because Wednesday morning I posted a very short and kinda painful Wednesday entry.
And yeah, I do still feel that way, but I didn't wanna wait too long to post this entry, so I decided to do it now...
Got it?

Anyway, on Tuesday, 9/25 all major movie thater companies in America pledged to contribute 100% of the day's proceeds to help support the victims of the September 11 tragedy, and related causes.
I figured that was a good reason to go to a movie, and so I saw ROCK STAR.

And just so you know, the Rock Star review is also posted in the much neglected MUSIC SECTION.

I guess there's other stuff I can write about, but it's still kinda raw and undigested and very much still kinda up in the air...

Fucking A, I hope you didn't just eat something before you read this...

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

What can I say?
Life would just be SO much easier had I never been born...

Monday, September 24, 2001

As if I wasn't already so depressed that it took a Herculean effort to get my ass out of bed this morning, the very first thing I fucking hear on the radio is With Arms Wide Open...on the Rock station! Why the fuck does the rock station need to be playing that fucking song?
Even though I have all this other stuff on my mind at all times, I swear I think about THAT daily. I think about how different my life would have been if there was this perfect little boy or perfect little girl in my life...and yes, they would have been perfect, maybe not literally, but to me, yes they would have been perfect.
In 33 years of being an absolute fuck up on this planet, he or she would have been the one thing I woulda gotten right.
But I guess I fucked that up too, huh?

Sunday, September 23, 2001

United we stand, divided we fall.
We hold each other together, and hope for the best.
We hope that an outside force won't destroy what we have worked to achieve.

Not just talking about the country...

Friday, September 21, 2001

This could be a hugely significant weekend in my life.
I guess that could explain the anxiety.
And why it feels like my heart's in my throat...

Tuesday, September 18, 2001

"Playing with weapons they don't understand
Could it be this time we'll see
The end of the world" - Gary Moore

Regarding the tragedy...the attack, all I can say it's like a constant struggle with a roller coaster of emotions.
I mean, it slips away from the frontal lobe, but then you see another horrible image, and it all floods back with vengeance...

Regarding me personally, all I can say it's like a constant struggle with a roller coaster of emotions.

Didn't I just say that?

Sunday, September 16, 2001

Happy Birthday to a truly wonderful person...

Saturday, September 15, 2001

Nothing new to write really. Guess we're all just trying to get back to normal...

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Sunday, September 9, 2001

She's got a way about her..." - Billy Joel

I kinda like being invisible.
I walk into a room alone, nobody notices, nobody cares…
That's kind of impossible when I walk hand in hand with my friend…she's a head-turner…
And that was the case Friday night as we went to our first ever family function together. But overall it went well. The only reaction I was curious about was from my immediate family, and they all had nothing but good things to say, so it's all good.

Actually the whole "looking thing" happens everywhere we go.
I always look at the people's faces, especially the oh so subtle guys…
First they look her up and down and up again, slowly, intently…then their faces jump over to mine, and this comical look of "what the fuck is she doing with him!?!" appears.
Sometimes it's kinda funny to me, other times I wanna tell them all to fuck off, but whatever.
What they'll never realize is I AM an extremely lucky guy, but no assholes, not because of her looks…

It's officially football season, and I really just don't seem to care.
Kinda bums me out really.

I saw a really, BAD MOVIE too.

Monday, September 3, 2001

"None of this can actually be happening. If it makes you more comfortable, you could simply think of it as a metaphor. Religions are, by definitions, metaphors, after all: God is a dream, a hope, a woman, an ironist, a father, a city, a house of many rooms, a watchmaker that left his prize chronometer in the desert, someone who loves you - even perhaps, against all evidence, a celestial being whose only interest is to make sure your football team, army, business, or marriage thrives, prospers, and triumphs over all opposition."
- From Neil Gaiman's American Gods

"God, I will follow you because you died for me
Gave to me your life to set me free
Anyone who asks, shall receive
Jesus in your hearts
It's time for you to start
Giving God all the glory"
- Stryper

Hmmmm, kinda different outlooks on life, huh?
But who's to say who's right?
Stryper, oft quoted as they are here on my site, are obviously totally Christian in their outlook.
(Then again the whole Jesus vs. God thing confuses the Hell outta me in and of itself. But that's yet another issue)
But then, even though Gaiman's words are part of a work of fiction, they seem much more in tune with the majority of humanity, no?
I dunno, I like both quotes anyway.

Which reminds me, I did finish the book, American Gods. All in all, it was a good book, but slightly disappointing.
Why? Because it was a very intelligent book, but it was missing, or at least had less of a certain key ingredient vital to all of Gaiman's stuff. Magic.
Don't get me wrong, there was magic in the book, figuratively, but Gaiman has a magic all his own, and I didn't see enough of it in the pages of American Gods. Sure, a smile crept upon my lips from time to time. The man's a genius; you have to smile quite often at the way he weaves words together. But his past works, particularly Neverwhere, had me in awe. This one didn't.
It's OK though. I'm sure he'll be fine even without me declaring American Gods the best book I've ever read.

My next book was supposed to be a vampire novel name of Gothique, but I wasn't in the mood, so today I went to Borders and bought me two more tomes, The Crow: Shattered Lives and Broken Dreams and Hell House, the former being a collection of "Stories and Poems on Revenge and Redemption", and the latter being a classic Haunted House book written by Richard Matheson, writer of What Dreams May Come, I Am Legend, Somewhere in Time, and A Stir of Echoes. Recognize a lot of his stuff? Yeah, I thought so.
By the way, I went to Borders after going to Barnes & Noble...but I'm kinda done with Barnes & Noble. They did something stupid. The took the "Horror" section, and worked those books in with the rest of the fiction books. Thing is, I read mostly horror books, and I experiment a lot. Often times I end up with a book by an author I don't know, because I simply browse through the entire horror section looking at covers and reading book backs until something strikes me fancy.
I can't do that through an entire fiction section. I have no attention span. I'll lose interest before I even hit the "B's"...
But yeah, I'm good on reading material for a while…

I also saw a MOVIE today.

OH, did you realize that I mentioned that I went to a store and a movie today?
How's that you ask?
What happened to all the bitching I did because I had to work?
Bullshit happened!
My weekend was pretty much ruined because I knew I had to work today, meaning no three day weekend, meaning no extra chance to relax, meaning getting up at 6 today, while most of Miami slept til there heart's desire.
So I get to the client's office, but wait…there's nobody there…
I drive around back…but wait, there's nobody there.
I'm banging on doors, I'm calling every number I've memorized.
Nothing.
So I drive to my office and call some co-workers and wake them up because it's only 730, but fuck it, if I'm suffering, I'm bringing others down with me.
Sure enough, they have no clue. Call the big boss they say.
Fine, I call the boss, leave him a voice mail. 730 AM, right?
Here it is 540 PM, and the mutha fucka hasn't called me back.
I guess it's all about respect.

Funny thing is, like the world's biggest idiot, I went back to the client's office.
Sure enough, this time there's a single security guard there. But he can't even tell me for sure if there's gonna be anybody else there or not? Fucking A, who the fuck do you have to kill around here for some fucking information, huh?
Bottom line, I give him my cell number and ask him to please call me if people start showing.
So before I was bitching because I had to work today.
So now I'm bitching for two reasons…I couldn't prepare for a three day weekend due to incorrect information, AND, and yes, I'm gonna go there, NOW I will have to bust my ass twice as hard to get all the work done in a shorter week!
I'm never happy.
Deal with it!

Sunday, September 2, 2001

So if you'll excuse me, I'ma kinda go on a DUCHOVNIAN RIFF

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